Having previously introduced a bill creating a tax incentive for dogs’ luxury spa treatments, Rep. Thaddeus McCotter of Michigan has gained a reputation for creative legislation. This week, Rep. McCotter maintains his reputation with the introduction of H.R. 5108, the Cyber Privacy Act.

The following is the full text of the Cyber Privacy Act:

A BILL
To require certain Internet websites that contain personal information of individual’s to remove such information at the request of such individuals.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled,

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.

This Act may be cited as the ‘Cyber Privacy Act’.
SEC. 2. REMOVAL OF PERSONAL INFORMATION REQUIRED OF CERTAIN WEBSITES.

(a) In General- Any Internet website that makes available to the public personal information of individuals shall–
(1) provide, in a clear and conspicuous location on the Internet website, a means for individuals whose personal information it contains to request the removal of such information; and
(2) promptly remove the personal information of any individual who requests its removal.
(b) Definition of Personal Information- As used in this Act, the term ‘personal information’ means any information about an individual that includes, at minimum, the individual’s name together with either a telephone number of such individual or an address of such individual.

SEC. 3. ENFORCEMENT BY THE FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION.

(a) Unfair or Deceptive Acts or Practices- A violation of this Act shall be treated as an unfair and deceptive act or practice in violation of a regulation under section 18(a)(1)(B) of the Federal Trade Commission Act (15 U.S.C. 57a(a)(1)(B)) regarding unfair or deceptive acts or practices.
(b) Powers of Commission- The Federal Trade Commission shall enforce this Act in the same manner, by the same means, and with the same jurisdiction, powers, and duties as though all applicable terms and provisions of the Federal Trade Commission Act (15 U.S.C. 41 et seq.) were incorporated into and made a part of this Act. Any person who violates such regulations shall be subject to the penalties and entitled to the privileges and immunities provided in that Act.

Did you get that? Any website that posts “personal information” must make clear how such “personal information” can be removed. And if any person requests the removal of his or her “personal information,” the website must promptly do so.

What is “personal information,” according to Thad McCotter? Well, isn’t it obvious? It’s “information about an individual”. At a minimum, such information includes a person’s name, telephone number and address. At a maximum… well, the bill sets no maximum, leaving “personal information” to simply be “information about an individual.”

If passed and signed by the president, the Cyber Privacy Act would be quite an impactful law. For instance, you’re reading a website right now called That’s My Congress. It contains personal information — “information about an individual” — on many of its pages. Take this very web page you’re reading right now. Why, it contains “information about an individual” named Thad McCotter. If the Cyber Privacy Act passes, then if Thad McCotter wants me to stop telling you about his sponsorship of the act, I’ll have to redact his name. You won’t know who wrote the law that keeps you from knowing who wrote the law. Wrap your head around that.

There’s more. Consider the website fec.gov, operated by the Federal Election Commission. It contains personal information about people who give money to political candidates. If H.R. 5108 passes, then any contributor who doesn’t want you to know about the pattern of his or her monetary contributions to candidates will simply have such personal information removed — Shazam! — after making a request to the government. No more pesky accountability.

Records for contractors with the federal government? Promptly redacted upon request.
Records of criminal convictions? Promptly redacted upon request.
Names and contact information for officeholders? Promptly redacted upon request.
Voting records of members of Congress? Promptly redacted upon request.
Embarrassing information regarding the conduct of any public figure? Promptly redacted upon request.

If passed into law, the Cyber Privacy Act would allow public figures everywhere to scrub information about them, removing all the dirt and leaving only the shine. How would we know anything about the activity of our politicians and other public figures? One possibility remains: euphemism. Nicknames, after all, are not strictly speaking personal information — “information about a person” — but rather fictional, pretend appellations. We could use nicknames to refer to the conduct of our politicians in protected, coded language.

If, a year from now, you find That’s My Congress referring to the legislative actions of Rep. Poochie McTaxBreak, then you’ll know what became of this bill.