Sam Brownback, On the Job Against Human-Animal Hybrids
Don’t let anyone tell you that Senator Sam Brownback isn’t proactive. Looking into the future, Senator Brownback has drafted S. 1435, the Human-Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act of 2009. Cat People? Brownback says NO!
I can’t decide whether my favorite part of this bill is the part where Sam Brownback clarifies that the most important parts of the human body are the brain and the naughty bits:
Congress finds that…the uniqueness of individual human beings is manifested in a particular way through their brain and their reproductive organs
or the part that prohibits an animal from having human naughty bits grafted onto it:
a non-human life form engineered such that human gametes develop within the body of a non-human life form
or the part that prohibits researchers from creating a synthetic animal with a human brain:
a non-human life form engineered such that it contains a human brain or a brain derived wholly or predominantly from human neural tissues
But ultimately, I am dissatisfied with Senator Brownback’s legislation because it is woefully incomplete. The legislation does not contain, for example, a prohibition against creating a humanoid octopus with telepathic tentacles. NOTHING in the bill prevents the incorporation of freeze rays into outstretched fingers. And what about human-plant hybrids? Sam Brownback completely forgot those! And as anyone who has seen The Two Towers can attest, the very last thing the Earth needs is a forest full of angry Islamofascist Ents.
Now, I appreciate the initial effort, Sam, but there is no “A” for effort, not the least because “effort” starts with the letter E. Come back with a new bill including the telepathic octopi, and the freeze rays, and the tree people and see if The People say “yeah.”
It was really nice to go through the post especially for focusing the Human-Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act with significance to human brain. The human brain is the most complex and relevant organ of our body. The brain is responsible for every actions and thoughts of an human or an animal. Or, as zombies put it, more succinctly, “braaaaaainssss!” I am, myself, a human-animal hybrid. My stomach is that of a spiny echidna and my brain is that of a human, with the exception of the pineal gland, which is taken from a bonobo and grafted on with the assistance of willow tea.