In the wake of ethically-challenged Republican Bob Ney’s decision not to run for re-election to the House of Representativesl in Ohio’s 18th District, Ohio Republican Party Chairman Robert Bennett has explained that “I think primaries are a waste of money.” He’d much rather appoint Joy Padgett, a State Senator who won her office by accusing former hostage Terry Anderson of being soft on terrorism — for travelling back to Lebanon in order to confront his captors!!! This is the kind of attack that Ohio Republicans seem to think is appropriate. This is the sort of hack politician who the Republicans would like to install into national office.

But, sigh, laws are laws and all, dagnabit. So it turns out the Republicans have to run a primary and stuff after all, and can’t just appoint Padgett to an unelected position on the ballot. In order to solve this bitsy democracy problem, the Ohio Republican Party announced yesterday that anybody who wants to be on the primary ballot has to complete their filing by tomorrow. This is what my son does when he wants to win a race: “heylet’sracetothattreereadygetsetgoiwin!” It’s what the Vogons did when they wanted to destroy the Earth in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: post official notice in an inaccessibly distant solar system.

You’ve got to wonder: why is the Ohio Republican Party in such a horrible rush to keep challengers to Joy Padgett off the ballot? What do they know about Padgett that makes them nervous?