Senator George Allen was true to bumbling form today, trying to explain why he was using a racist nickname to refer to a campaign worker of South Asian descent. Speaking to a group of Republicans, Senator Allen referred to the campaign worker as “Macaca, or whatever his name is”.

A macaca is a kind of monkey.

So, George Allen thinks that people from the Indian Subcontinent are monkeys, huh? I guess that’s a safe thing to say among Virginia Republicans, but what Senator Allen wasn’t counting on is that the man he called a monkey had a video camera recording the event.

Oops. Now the Virginia Republicans’ little secret is out. This whole New South thing is a load of garbage when it comes to Virginia Republicans. They’re still pulling the old racist bull.

The most embarassing part of it is the way that the George Allen re-election campaign has tried to pretend that Senator didn’t mean to make an insult. It was just an accident that he called a human being a monkey, Allen spokespeople say.

Their first excuse: The man’s name sounded like macaca, like Allen, said, see. His name is Sidharth. That sounds just like Macaca, right?

Their next excuse: Makaka is a town in South Africa, see. Maybe Senator Allen meant that. Hm. That would mean… no, uh, well…

Their last excuse: Senator Allen was using a friendly nickname, see, because the campaign worker had a mohawk hair cut, and macaca sounds just like mohawk… except for that uh, mohawk doesn’t sounds like macaca any more than it sounds like motherfucker… so was Senator Allen calling the campaign worker a motherfucker? No?… Well, it was an honest slip of the tongue, see… except that Sidharth doesn’t even have a mohawk.

Oh, wait. I know the explanation. It’s all innocent, see. The Bryson Prayer Force, the people who are praying that God sends an angelic army from heaven to wage war against Democrats in Tennessee, were praying so hard that an angel of God who was working for the forces of Republican righteousness in Virginia rushed away to heed the call, passing temporarily through Senator Allen for just long enough for the possessed man to utter the name Macaca, which is one of the ten thousand secret names of God.

Yeah, that’s it. That’s a plausible answer. Sure, because the obvious interpretation, that Southern Republican Senator George Allen called a man a monkey solely because he wasn’t of European ancestry, is just too far-fetched too believe.

Sure.