All bow before the holy Saint Ney of Ohio!
Why wait for him to die before we sanctify the man? I say we contact the Catholic Church and get Republican Representative Bob Ney beatified right now! After all, the southern Ohio member of Congress has sent out a declaration from his office declaring that he:
has never, at any point, engaged in any improper, unethical, or illegal activity.
Wowsers!
That’s amazing!
But you know, the Catholic Church demands documentation before they beatify anybody. So let’s get the ball rolling. On the positive side, if you have any reports of halo sightings around Bob Ney’s head (or better yet, photographs!) please post them here. If he’s cured any lepers or ended southern Ohio syphillis outbreaks, that would be good to know too. On the negative side, if you know of any time that Bob Ney was caught speeding, or paid his taxes late, or spit on the sidewalk, or wore white after Labor Day, or any other illegal, unethical or improper behavior, please share that here too.
I’m sure that when Bob Ney says he’s never, at any point, done anything wrong, he’s absolutely right. After all, Bob Ney is a man of his word! But let’s help him in his quest to prove it. So if you have any documentation of Bob Ney’s miracles or (perish the thought) wrongdoing of any sort, please post it (with links to appropriate documentation) here.
